


i love you, tadashi

by notquitegold



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Instability, Mental Institutions, Past Abuse, Self-Harm, Suicide Attempt, Therapy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-23
Updated: 2021-02-22
Packaged: 2021-03-13 06:55:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,488
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29647473
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notquitegold/pseuds/notquitegold
Summary: TW!!!!! MENTIONS/DESCRIPTIONS OF MENTAL ILLNESS/SUICIDE/SELF HARM IN THE BOOK AND IN THE DESCRIPTIONokay so maybe ill update this when i have it more figured out but currently it's a tsukkiyama mental hospital au which sounds kind of weird I'm aware of that but i have a plan and I'll try to make it work i swear.Kei Tsukishima falls in love with Tadashi Yamaguchi through their group therapy, but Yams may not be all that he seems.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Kudos: 5





	i love you, tadashi

Kei Tsukishima was sick. Not sick like coughing and sneezing and a stuffy nose, but not sick like your own immune system killing you either. Tsukishima was sick in that he never wanted to leave his bed. He never wanted to go anywhere, he shut everyone out, and he was slowly becoming numb to the world. He felt like he was getting nowhere, he felt like he was trapped with this half-assed idea of who he wanted to be but couldn't seem to get there no matter how hard he tried. It made him hate every part of himself, it ate at him every day.

One day, he woke up in a new place. It was bright, and his neck hurt. Slowly, the memories started to come back to him. The night before, hazy visions of his family crying, his brother screaming above him as he tried to wake him up. He winced some, reaching his hand up to touch his neck and he could feel a brace there.

"Ah.. right..." He remembered, sighing some as he let his hand fall back down again.

"Damnit..." He cursed softly, tearing up a bit. 

He put his hands over his face, trying not to cry. He had tried for so long to pull himself together, and when he finally tried to just give up, he couldn't. He started to cry, curling up a bit. Before he could get it all out though, a nurse came in and smiled a bit. 

"Oh wonderful, it's nice to see that you've woken up. Do you remember where you are?" She asked and Kei wiped his face quickly, shaking his head.

"N-no, ma'am.." He said weakly and she nodded some, still smiling in a painfully annoying sort of way.

"I figured you wouldn't, you were pretty sleepy when they brought you here. This is the Cygnus Mental Hospital, dear. Your family decided it would be best to have you stay here for a while." She explained and Kei wished he could scream, but he just felt empty.

He nodded weakly, and so began his agonizing journey.

Over the next two months, Kei struggled every day. He talked to therapists, he talked to other patients, but it took so long for things to start getting better. They gave him new medications, they made him try all kinds of therapies, but his thoughts wouldn't go away. Eventually though, they decided that he wasn't at risk anymore and that he could go, but that his friends and family should be extra careful with him.

He went home, but when he wasn't going to talk to some lame therapist, in his mind that's what they were at least, he was just back to laying in bed. He would lie there in the dark, trying to distract himself with movies or books or whatever he could find, but he could feel himself slipping again. Finally, his mother had had enough. She dragged him out of bed, made him shower and get dressed and go to a group therapy session for teens she had found online. He was, of course, very reluctant, but she made him go anyways. 

He sighed as she walked him inside, and hesitantly sat down on one of the chairs arranged in a circle. Some of the other kids come in soon, but Kei doesn't care. He's wrapped up in his own thoughts, as usual. He doesn't care about anyone else. He's apparently still zoning out when the meeting start though, because he jumps a bit when a guy with soft green hair and a million freckles taps him on the shoulder. The poor guy blushes a little and apologizes quickly.

"S-sorry! I didn't mean to scare you, I know sometimes people don't like to be touched but it didn't seem like you could hear me, sorry." He says, still blushing, and then gestures to a box of fidget toys, blankets, stuffed animals, coloring books, and pretty much anything that seems like it might help someone calm down. "I just wanted to see if you wanted anything before we got started. They're supposed to be to help people be a little bit more comfortable, everyone's welcome to take one. You can keep whatever you take, too."

Tsukishima looks between him and the box and hesitantly takes a blanket, wrapping himself up in it. He quickly starts to feel a little safer and as the green-haired boy smiles and walks away, he thinks to himself that if anything, at least maybe he can take a fucking nap. After the cute guy finishes offering everyone the box, he sits down beside the counselor, a young woman probably in her twenties. She's wearing a flannel shirt, tiny little rubber ducks as earrings, and she has an engagement ring on her finger. She smiles a bit.

"Good morning, everyone. My name is Hazel, it's good to see you all. I know it's cheesy, but I would love it if we can go around the circle and just say our names, and if you want to.. hm, what question should we answer today, Yamaguchi?" She says, looking to the green haired boy. 

He blushes some again and thinks for a moment.

"Um.. favorite food?" He suggests and she smiles. 

"Great idea. So, if you can, just tell us your name and your favorite food." She says with a smile. "So, like I said, my name is Hazel, and my favorite food is chicken noodle soup."

Everyone goes around one by one in the circle, each with varying answers. Some say their favorite foods, some don't. Some don't even say their names. Kei is sleepy by the time it's his turn, but when everyone looks to him he tenses up a bit. 

"Tsukishima.." He manages quietly. 

Hazel nods some with a sweet smile, looking to the next person with no extra questions. He's a little surprised about it, but he's glad they've moved on from him. He would've said his favorite food, but he was too embarrassed to say dinosaur nuggets in front of all these people he doesn't know. Finally, it's the green-haired boy's turn. He seems a bit nervous when everybody looks at him, but he takes a breath and looks around a little bit.

"H-hi, I'm Tadashi Yamaguchi, and my favorite food is d-dino nuggets." He says, blushing some.

Tsukishima feels his heart flutter a bit, blushing some. He looks down, he shouldn't like it, but he can't help but wish he'd said it when it was his turn. Something about this boy makes Kei want to be his friend. Before Tsukishima can finish his thought though, Hazel speaks up again.

"Alright. So, as always, there's no judgment, and if we can, we shouldn't interrupt whoever is talking. You don't have to talk, you don't have to make sense, this is for you to share your experiences and feelings with everyone in whatever way you're comfortable with." She says gently and looks around. "Does anyone want to go first?"

A girl with bright purple hair raises her hand and Hazel smiles some. 

"Go ahead, Arai." She says and the girl starts talking about how she overcame one of her fears a few days before and that she had passed her two-year mark of being clean from her addictions. 

She talks, and a few other people pass their stories around. Tsukishima just cuddles up in his blanket for now, sighing quietly. Yamaguchi doesn't say much either, other than some encouraging words to other members. Kei soon falls asleep, and Yamaguchi wakes him up. Tsukishima looks around, having forgotten where he was. The freckled boy smiles a bit. 

"Hey, Tsukishima right? The session is over, sorry to wake you but I figured you might want it. Are you okay?"

Tsukishima looks up at him and nods hesitantly. 

"Yeah, I'm fine. Sorry." He says and Yamaguchi smiles some. 

"Don't be sorry, it's okay. Do you want me to walk you out?" He asks, offering his hand out to help Kei up.

Kei hesitantly takes it, getting up and stretching some before folding up the blanket. Yamaguchi smiles and Tsukishima blushes some again, walking out with him quietly. Tsukishima's mom is waiting for him when he comes out and she smiles when she sees him. Yamaguchi says goodbye to him and he waves a bit back, going home with his mom.

"So.. did you like it?" She asks as they drive and Tsukishima thinks for a moment before nodding some. 

"Yeah." He says quietly and she looks a bit surprised but she smiles brightly. 

"Really? Would you want to go back again next week?" She asks and he thinks about it again before nodding again. 

She smiles warmly and buys him lunch, taking him home afterwards. He crawls back into bed again, but something feels different. He watches a movie instead of just staring into space. Maybe there is some hope after all.

**Author's Note:**

> // hi! this is the first chapter, I know it's not much and I know it might not be that good but I really really have big hopes for this story. I know that it's a bit dark, but that's the whole point. I hope that I can vent through yams and have them slowly fall in love agsfdvbsnhd i just hope i can finish it lol. also happy valentine's day! I'll try to post a oneshot later to honor it, i love all you guys it means so much to me that people like to read this stuff! (originally posted valentine's day, 2021)


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